It’s not you, it’s them (usually)
Today has been a funny old day, we’ve been busy preparing for a hard day’s training workshop that we’re running all day tomorrow, and I’ve been getting a few things in order for a forthcoming holiday (my first proper break in about 2 years). 
So, when we received a particularly vile piece of feedback via our feedback button, I have to admit that my smile did fall for a moment… well, about the time it takes to eat a chocolate brownie actually.
And, then I saw a Tweet from a lawyer who is doing great things in social media, saying how he had received some vicious feedback in a LinkedIn discussion. It put me in mind of Seth Godin’s excellent advice on dealing with trolls… in which he says:
Lots of things about work are hard. Dealing with trolls is one of them. Trolls are critics who gain perverse pleasure in relentlessly tearing you and your ideas down. Here’s the thing(s):
1. trolls will always be trolling
2. critics rarely create
3. they live in a tiny echo chamber, ignored by everyone except the trolled and the other trolls
4. professionals (that’s you) get paid to ignore them. It’s part of your job.“Can’t please everyone,” isn’t just an aphorism, it’s the secret of being remarkable.
Separate cruelty from constructive criticism
It is, of course, important to distinguish between trolls and genuine and constructive feedback. We do, occasionally, get negative feedback (I know, I admit it… we’re human). Usually this is really useful, and gratefully received. We can always improve – and that is exactly why we have a feedback button on our website. But, when it is vicious and unhelpful you need to find the strength to hit delete and carry on.
Brace yourself… it will happen
The thing is, that if you put yourself up to scrutiny – which is exactly what you’re doing by having a website or posting a blog – then you will at some point encounter nasty people. Even bullies grow up and get jobs. If you engage heavily in social media, then I’m afraid to say that you’ll find them.
If you’re not expecting it, then an ugly side-swipe can really knock your confidence. Surround yourself with a group of people who you trust, and whose opinion you value. Get them to regularly feedback on whether you’re doing good stuff. And, if you are, then hold your head up high and brace yourself… at some point a mean-spirited individual will try to burst your bubble. It is amazing how much nastier people feel able to be through a remote connection, and even more cruel when hiding behind the mask of anonymity.
When it does happen, tick it off as a social media rite of passage and congratulate yourself at having generated an emotional reaction in someone you don’t even know… that’s an achievement.
By Bryony Thomas | Chief Clear Thinker | Clear Thought Consulting Ltd | @bryonythomas | www.clear-thought.co.uk
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Clear Thought Consulting works with small businesses, equipping them with the marketing strategies, suppliers, skills and set-up that they need to become bigger businesses. We do this by planning and delivering 12-month marketing transformation programmes – supporting a small business through a step-by-step process to making marketing pay. We firmly believe that when you can’t out-spend your competition, you have to out-think them.
What do you do to pick yourself up from negative feedback?
Please use the comment function below to share your tips on dusting yourself off when you’re knocked.
Published on 4 October 2010
